The Will To Win In Life
For a very long time (and to this day), I have had this relentless need to win as much as I can in my life to confiscate for the many losses I’ve taken in life so far. My loss sheet is as long as the Mediterranean Sea. If I haven’t experienced every loss that is known in human history, then I must be really close to achieving that goal.
Deaths in my family, unrequited crush, losing friends, being ghosted on, mean math teachers, heavy bulling, and more. These aren’t experiences I ever wanted to feel, but nevertheless, this is the life that I know. It’s had a lot of losses and very few wins. It’s strange because there was a time when I just let things be when I suffer a setback I wasn’t mentally prepared for.
When I was in my teens, the idea of wanting to win in life wasn’t even a thought. I just wanted to have a good time whether it’s playing video games, watching movies, or climbing a tree and then jumping on the green ground. As the years pass on, with each painful experience I go through, the will to win in life becomes stronger.
Somehow, I convinced myself that winning in life is the ultimate solution to heal my traumas, to heal every slight I’ve gone through, to get me the vindication that I’ve been searching for my whole life so far. So I fight hard to win as much as I can. They can be short wins or a HUGE win. Just get the win…period!
This burning fire in me won’t rest. It wants to get the last laugh on everyone who undermined me including that sales boss who character assassinated me when I decided to quit my job. So it tells me to go get wins.
What I didn’t realize on my driven quest to win until a few days ago is that I am winning in life. I have a place to stay, my finances are finally in a solid place where I don’t have to constantly check my bank account and I have come across people that actually appreciate me and vice versa.
I have collected more wins in life than I thought. I’ve even had classmates from my middle school years find me on Facebook. I thought they had forgotten about me giving how invisible I was during those years unless it was to crack a joke at my expense or try to fight me. Thankfully, those days are long gone.
The hunger for wanting more wins to feed my ego has blinded me to appreciate the wins that I have achieved in the past to present times. It’s a tough task to admit that people have caused you to pain in the past and that you can’t get that time back. But maybe if we focus on the wins that matter, we achieved the ultimate W in life!
